Life Blood --IX---Page 29



After giving me a small bag with two bottles, Ramala led me
out, and I discovered I really had been in a different building, the
one situated across the long-term parking lot and all but hidden in
the trees. It was new, one-story, and probably larger than it
appeared from the front. Again I wondered what went on in there,
since it seemed so empty.
Check it out and soon, I told myself as I slipped my key into
the ignition. You've got to find out a lot more about this place.
        On the drive back to the city, my main thought was that I'd lost
a day of my life. It'd just sort of slipped away. But that wasn't all. I
also began to meditate on the fact that Alex Goddard could have
an immense influence over my body (or was it my mind?) with a
simple touch. Give him his due, he could definitely make things
happen. First my cold and now this. Perhaps he could give me a
child, if I got "centered," whatever that meant. But why should I
trust him?
And there was another problem. For a baby I'd need Steve,
the man I loved, the guy who'd promised to be with me through
thick and thin. Did he really mean it? He'd have to fly in, which
meant a serious piece of change for the airfare. Finally, could he
face another chance of failure? My spirits sank at the prospect of
having to ask him. Were we both just going to be humiliated one
more time?
He'd made his home base in Belize, that little Rhode Island of
a country abutting big, bad Guatemala. He liked the fact they used
English, more or less, as the official language and they hadn't
gotten around to murdering two hundred thousand Maya, the way
Guatemala had. In a romantic moment, I'd programmed his Belize
hotel number into the memory of my cell phone—the telephones
down there are amazingly good, maybe the Brit legacy—though I'd
never actually tried it. (I'd called him from home about half a
dozen times, but he was rarely there.) Well, I thought, the time
has come. Maybe it was the sensual feelings released by all the
Chi flowing around, but for some reason I found myself feeling
very lonely. He hadn't called recently, though. . .
        It took ten rings, but eventually the hotel answered. A moment
later, they were trying his room. I guess I was half afraid a woman





might pick up, but it was him and there were no hushed tones or cryptic monosyllables. I heaved a minor sigh of reassurance.
        "Baby, I can't believe it's you," he declared. "I've actually been
trying to reach you for a day now."
"You finally get around to missing me?" It was so good to hear his voice, full of life and energy.
"All the time. Never didn't. You've just got to understand it's
crazy down here. All last week I was in Honduras, haggling over permits. Don't ask." He paused. "So, when are you coming down? They've got a national park here that's a pure chunk of rain forest, jaguars everywhere." He laughed. "But forget that. If you come
down, we'll never get out of the hotel. Just room service all day."
        "No immediate plans," I said, immediately wondering how I
could swing it. "But you never know."
I wasn't entirely sure how to approach Steve anymore. There was something about the abrupt way he took off that left things up in the air. A tiny sliver of uneasiness was slipping into my headover-heels trust, the camel's nose under the tent.
"First the good news," I declared. "David's talking to Orion about a theatrical release for Baby Love."
Steve knew how deeply I longed for a theatrical—it would be
my first—and he enthused appropriately. But he also knew I
wouldn't call him early Sunday morning just to tell him that. There
was only one other thing that would inspire such an unsocialized
act.
"Uh, should I be asking how the other baby project is going?"
he said.
For a moment I wasn't sure what to say, since I didn't really even know myself.
"Still a work in progress," I said finally. Then; "Honey, I've just been to see a doctor who's . . . well, he's a little unconventional. And nervous-making. But everything else has failed."
Whereupon I gave him a quick, cell-phone summary of what I'd just been through at Quetzal Manor.
"So are you going to go back eventually?" He sounded uneasy. "For the full 'program'?"
He had a way of zeroing in on essentials. The truth was, my baby hopes and my sense of self-preservation were at war with each other. . .
"Morgy, are you there?"





"I'm here. And I guess the answer is, I'm still trying to decide.
Like I said, he's into Eastern medicine and Native American . . .
I'm not sure what. But if I need you, are you still in the project?"
"What do you mean?"
"Darlin', don't play dumb. You know exactly what I mean.
Could you come back if I needed you? Really needed you?"
There was a long pause, wherein the milliseconds dragged by
like hours. Trees were gliding past, throwing shadows on
my windshield, and I still felt vaguely dizzy. I also had a residual
ache in my abdomen where Alex Goddard had given me those
damned muscle-relaxant shots. Why was I even considering
going back?
Finally: "You're not making this easy, you know. Down here,
without our . . . project on the front burner every day, I've been
reassessing . . . well, a lot of things. If we had a baby, it would turn
our lives upside down. I mean, it's not like we just bought a
sheepdog and chipped in on the grooming. This is a human life
we're talking about. Are we really prepared to do justice to a
child?"
There it was. I didn't know whether I wanted to burst into tears, or strangle the man.
"Well, why don't you just think about it," I told him. "This
doesn't sound like a conversation we should be having on a cell
phone." Blast him. "If that's the way you feel now, then I might just have a baby on my own." How, I wasn't sure. I'd been so certain we were a couple, I'd not given it any real thought. "Or then again, I might just go ahead and adopt, with or without you."
"Look, I'm not saying I won't do it. I'm just saying it's not a trivial thing." He paused. "So where does that leave us?"
        Translation: second thoughts.
"I don't know where that leaves us, Steve. In the shit, I guess. But I'd still like to know if I can count on you, or am I going to have to go to a sperm bank or something?"
"Jesus. Let me think about this, okay? Do I have to answer you now?"
"No. But I'm not going to wait forever either."
"All right." Then he paused. "Morgy, I miss you. I really do. I just need some time to think about our next step. Are you sure you're okay? You sound a little out of it."
"Thanks for asking. I've just got a lot on my mind."

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